Self hate & Chiropractors

I went to the chiropractor today to diagnosis and treat a backache Ive had for 6 months. The diagnosis ? Low self esteem.

For as long as I can remember Ive been told to “pick my head up” to “show my face to the world” and for as long as I remember, Ive turned my face downward and curled my shoulders in. This is my signature posture…. shoulders slumped, and head down, where I belong.. do not take up too much space. It is not uncommon for me to historically run into people at work because I was looking at the ground while walking. What I learned today is that, believing the lie that I wasn’t worthy has caused my spine to grow in strange ways and arthritis to form. I have never more than now believed that what we tell ourselves causes our disease. I have literally caused my body to do this by what I have been telling myself for 40 years.

Heres the good news. For the past year, I have been learning to hold my head up (literally and figuratively ) so the repair has already been occurring. The doctor today showed me how when I curl in the way I have all my life, I cant even breathe right, my nerves don’t work right, my blood doesn’t flow correctly and my nerves cant function the way they are supposed to…. all because of what I am telling myself in my mind. I need to open my chest, my chakras, I need to hold my head back and back straight for my body to function to its full capacity. I am so sad that I have done this to myself and been so mean to myself for all of these years, but I am so grateful to have discovered it and excited to treat my body well. I am excited to do yoga and to put my phone down and be present to what is going on around me. I am looking forward to treating the outside as well as I have been the inside the past year. The next frontier is on the horizon.

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