Open letter to my loved ones 

An open letter to my loved ones

 (if you’re reading this, that means you)

I come from a long line of disordered eating & diet obsession ~ were talking 

DIS-frickinORDERED – with a capital D (confused , not normal, really messed up)

Historically it’s taken the life of my very own mom at 46 years old as many of you know & I’ve personally taken it to EXTREMES.  Such extremes, I’ll never discuss them with many. The reason I tell you this, is to maybe help understand why I get so petrified  to discuss diets , to discuss  weight gain or loss  , what everyones eating , whether or not I am in ketosis etc.. Because when i do that, it runs me & when it runs me, it ruins me.. I then focus on nothing else.  And often times I even initiate the conversation , that is , when I’m not spiritually grounded, not doing well, when my focus is elsewhere … I focus on the thing that really isn’t my solution. When I want to run from life it turns into obsession ~ When I focus on the food and the diet, I’m in trouble.  When I focus on how I’m doing spiritually ,on if I’m being of service ,  if I’m treating you and the world right, I soar – Please don’t think this doesn’t mean I’m not happy for you & your success ! I am !  I LOVE to hear your successes ! I’m SO happy for you ..I love you ~ but for me, and my process, I have to do my own thing , quietly .. Inside … Me & God , or it will kill me.  This is fact. So if I’m not joining in the conversation , it’s me quietly caring for myself in the only way I can.  I have worked incredibly hard to get here & been through much sorrow & pain and I hope you understand, I trust you do, for that is why I am letting you see me 150 % right now. ☮

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